wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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