I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
