1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
