Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
