Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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