The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
