I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
