Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize