all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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