Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
