I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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