i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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