My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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