So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
