I hate your face
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
