ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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