Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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