the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
