At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
