mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
