Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
