Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
