I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just forgot I was standing up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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