He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
