You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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