Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
bring money and cleavage
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
