He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
