Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
