I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
