At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
