You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
