I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
