she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
