well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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