He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
