apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
