apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
