I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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