he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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