John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
