If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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