Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
