one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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