i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
