Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
