Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

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(303): View more from Colorado

But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.

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(972): View more from Texas

I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.

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(646): View more from New York

congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism

(917): View more from New York City

cool. same. I'm in class drinking

(646): View more from New York

NOT OKAY

(917): View more from New York City

sorry for partying

(646): View more from New York

THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS

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(954): View more from Florida

I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?

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(613): View more from Ontario

NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER

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(256): View more from Alabama

I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.

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(240): View more from Maryland

You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand

(240): View more from Maryland

you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed

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