So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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