i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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