He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
