I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
