One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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