hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
