feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
