u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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