Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
