I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
