I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
