I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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