So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
love makes seman taste better
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
