new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
