So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
