and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
