that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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