Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
