Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
