I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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