saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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