$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
our cab driver is having phone sex.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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