He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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