I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
