if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
