I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
