honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
