When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize