this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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