You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
