oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
