Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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