I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
