its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
