Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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