i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
